The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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