She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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