Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
