ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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