the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
