rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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