Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
