pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
