in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
