why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we're so committed to being not committed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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