My pussy is not your playground.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
