Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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