why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
