That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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