I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
