How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
