Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
