Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
