I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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