would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
