Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
