Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
