i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When are your genitals available?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
