So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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