his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
