I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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