I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
