Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
