morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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