Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
