shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
