i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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