I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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