oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
