i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
