The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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