So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
