i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
