So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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