o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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