He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it