Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid