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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.