my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god