Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator