Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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