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I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
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