Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
