So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
