As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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