Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love having hate sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
