he puts the penis in happiness.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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