i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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