a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
