I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
