He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
