I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
