so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
