I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
