i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
