u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
