I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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