I looked at my own cervix.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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