My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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