Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
