Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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