Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
