escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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