So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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