Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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