its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
