we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
