The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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